As a parent of teenagers and a business owner, I feel compelled to bring up an issue that’s difficult for me to talk about.
This past week, I felt that I had no choice to institute and enforce a new rule in my Lakewood restaurant, Snaps. Going forward, we will no longer allow unaccompanied boys under 17 to order food to stay on Thursday nights (though they can gladly still order takeout). As expected, I’ve heard from many people with varying opinions since I made the announcement, and I figured that I might as well explain myself in a public forum. Hopefully it will do more good than just clarifying my restaurant’s policy.
Snaps has always been a place for everyone. We’ve never been a hangout spot, or had issues from the Vaad regarding tznius or anything like that. I’ve worked hard to make my restaurant an unpretentious and comfortable place. To me, it’s important that people from all backgrounds, regardless of where they’re at in life, have a place to feel welcome. Years ago, I instituted Shabbos gelt cards, which are free meal coupons I’ve given out to struggling teens who committed to keep Shabbos. To date I’ve given out over 1,000 cards. I want people to feel comfortable here. Which is why when small groups of yeshivah boys started coming on Thursday nights after seder, I thought nothing of it. The boys were great, as long as it was 10 or 15 of them. They’d been coming for years. But recently, things changed. Things escalated. Soon we had 50 or more 12- to 16-year-old boys taking over my restaurant on Thursday nights. They would bike, scooter, or hitch a ride in from the nearby developments, their jackets slung over the seats, bikes lying haphazardly on the sidewalk. Hoverboards and Segways cluttered the outside of my store. And still, as long as the boys behaved, I had no problem with it. Even when the door was blocked by bikes whose kickstands had been kicked without regard for passersby, I was ok with it, because I felt this was a fine and kosher place for the young boys who were not hanging out or doing anything inappropriate.
But things changed again. The kids started getting rowdy inside the restaurant. They started to disrespect my employees and disturb customers trying to sit down and enjoy dinner. And then more and more kids would show up, loitering outside. They didn’t consider the other paying patrons around them. Slowly, we started losing a loyal customer base. Parents left the restaurant, shielding their young children and angrily reprimanding the boys for blocking their way and frightening their kids. My employees resented serving them. The police had to be called numerous times to break up fights. When they began threating customers walking in and out, it was the final straw. I knew I had to do something about this.
To be clear, this was not a Vaad decision, not a hashgachah decision, not a tznius decision and certainly not an image decision. It was an unfortunate and very difficult business decision. I’ve reached a breaking point. I can no longer tolerate dangerous and wild behavior and will not allow it in my place of business. Most parents have no idea that anything at all is going on while their son is out with friends for “just cholent.” I’ve seen the regression with my own eyes, as a kid goes from being sweet, polite, maybe a little oblivious and loud, to aggressively attention seeking, getting an adrenaline high from being the kid the adults are getting upset with. It’s deeply sad and painful to watch the kids that are really good boys get influenced by the kids who are struggling with yeshivah life.
As much as I’ve tried talking to them, explaining it to them, and cajoling them, it didn’t really go over very well. L’maisah, they don’t know me. I’m not their parent, and I don’t consider myself a chinuch expert maybe a restaurant expert at most. I have my limits. At the point where I felt other people were in danger and my parnassah was at stake, I felt it had to stop. I had to do what I had to, to bring home an honest living and support my family. And I know I’m not the only restaurant owner suffering from this problem.
Fathers, mothers, spend some quality time with your kids. Why are they out for hours on end, alone, without supervision, without anyone checking in? In the olden days it was standard protocol for parents to ask the (basic!) questions: Where are you going? Who are you going with? When will you be back? Are you asking those questions? Are you making sure you’re being told the truth? Why are they going out week after week without you? We know they need time to relax and unwind after a tough week. Why aren’t you taking them out for Thursday night cholent instead of letting them roam free with their friends?
Teach them how to be respectful to others. Teach them how to say please and thank you, teach them how to identify behavior that doesn’t befit a ben Torah, and teach them how to make good choices. Teach them about chillul Hashem. If not you, then who?
Not a Snap Decision | Yussi Weisz
