Yesterday LNN posted a response to the article Shidduch Solutions: What Can Be Done | A Bochur’s Perspective- Taking Off The Pressure: “Call it what it is: Dating l’shem dating. Start doing hour-long b’shows like the chassidim. There is no statistical evidence of dating leading to more successful and/or happier marriages. My wife and I met twice for an hour, and have been happily married for 15 years. The same goes for all of our family and friends. You’re doing this to yourselves.”
We asked for your responses, and here they are:
- It may work like that for an 18-year-old who never left the walls of yeshiva. He doesn’t have any הסגות. He’s easy, and that’s a good thing. How can one say that the same thing can work for a 26-year-old who has been out in the world for years and does have הסגות.
- Works for some people doesn’t work for everyone. I know people who did that, and it didn’t work out.
- It all depends on personality. Some people need to go through “the process” to feel at ease with the most monumental decision of their life. So if someone feels they are good with just a “beshow”, by all means, enjoy! But some people need the longer process, statistics notwithstanding.
- Theoretically, you are right, but it would never fly in the litvish world. We’re simply not wired like that.